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Joke of the Day

"How to kill two birds with one stone: Step 1: throw a stone at a bird Step 2: go pick up that stone Step 3: throw it at another bird"

"Rodney Dangerfield joke I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!"

"Don't be fooled by the treadmill in my basement. I got it so I can be in a recliner drinking a beer even when I'm walking the dog."

"If i could have any super power, i'd pick the ability to lure kids into my truck without giving them candy i spent my hard earned money on."

"What letter appears most frequently in the word CANADA?"

"My kids have enough energy to run 10,000 laps around the house but get tired walking around the block. I call bullshit."

"What do you call the North Korean dictator? Seouless"

"If Leonardo DiCaprio played a police officer in a movie, what would his name be? Leonardo DiCoprio"

"Me: You need to eat vegetables instead of candy if you want to be tall. 4-year-old: I'll just be small and happy."

"Reddit is like a shiny, new penny... It's fun to look but completely worthless! - Edit: Wow, front page! :D Edit 2: Oh crap, nvm. I was still on the new submissions page lol. forever alone"