42676

Joke of the Day

"Reddit is like a shiny, new penny... It's fun to look but completely worthless! - Edit: Wow, front page! :D Edit 2: Oh crap, nvm. I was still on the new submissions page lol. forever alone"

"What do you call a viking cemetary? A grey fjord."

"[First date] Me: ""So, what do you do?"" Date: ""I'm a librarian."" Me: ""Oh, my bad."" *Whispers for the entire rest of the date*"

"Why did the black kid wish for a white Christmas? Because all his white friends got better gifts than him."

"How did Hitler tie his shoes? In little Nazis"

"Why did the electrician close early on Mondays? Because business was very light."

"A one-liner based on what happened to me at work. An insect landed in my beverage, now I'm feeling a bit fly-tea."

"Sex is a lot like chess. It takes strategy, patience, there's a horse there, the queen is watching."

"What's a pedophile's favorite musical scale? D minor!"

"When we first dated I thought your freckles were dots of inexcusable cuteness. Now I can see how joined up they draw a pentagram."