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Joke of the Day

"Him: I love redheads. I could totally see you being a great wife. Me: I could totally see you being a great chalk outline."

"2 Fish were in a tank... One fish says to the other, ""Hey who's driving this thing?"""

"If bank website ads have taught me anything it's that white people love drinking coffee as they pay bills online in an empty loft apartment."

"Birth certificates need a popup dialog box: ""Are you SURE you want to spell your kid's name that way?"""

"I'm going to stand outside... So if anyone asks, I am outstanding."

"What doesn't buzz and doesn't fit in your bum. Soviet made bum buzzer."

"Not to freak everybody out but my new desk calendar ends in 2012"

"Why do people say its not you... it's me in a breakup? Yeah it's YOU, you're an idiot! I'm amazing... ask your brother!"

"A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows should be milked. ""Oh I reckon about the same as short ones!"" the farmer answered."

"[baby takes its first steps] me in a cop outfit: not even close to a straight line buddy, you're going away for a long long time."