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Joke of the Day

"Why do people say its not you... it's me in a breakup? Yeah it's YOU, you're an idiot! I'm amazing... ask your brother!"

"What's it called when it's 9:20am and you can't wait for dinner? Oh, it's called fat. Nevermind."

"I met Jay-Z in '09 and he said ""Meet my fiance, Beyonce"" and I was like ""That rhymes, you should rap!"" and we laughed and he sold me crack."

"Experts determine Super Bowl blackout was an electrical issue, also determine grass has a green issue."

"Roses are grey, violets are grey. I'm a dog."

"well i was going to climb mount everest but this yelp review says theres a nude man at the summit swinging chains around and yelling ""fuck u"

"At Toys R Us: TRU: Yessir? Me: I want a light saber. TRU: We have basic to advanced, how old is your grandson? Me: 40ish"

"What do space aliens put on their windows? Venutian blinds."

"Reddit CEO Ellen Pao is such a .. [Deleted]"

"Dog ate raw chicken so I called the vet to see what I could do He asked what I think they eat in the wild. Basically, he called me an idiot"