160596

Joke of the Day

"This guy thinks I'm taking down his number, but I'm really just writing this tweet."

"Emo Kids: you've seen one, you've seen the mall"

"How do you get a witch pregnant? You fuck her"

"[first date] HER: Do you have any hobbies? ME: Yes! Wait, did you say ""hobbits""? HER: No, hobbies ME: Oh, then no"

"Why did the noodle take a bow after the recital? He was the vermicellist"

"I wrote an essay once comparing various versions of the Bible. I had to do a lot of cross referencing."

"I firmly believe in taking care of one's body... That's why I protect mine in a thick layer of fat."

"So a blind man walks into a bar... and a table, and a couple of chairs"

"Please help me with a punchline to: ""How do you find an amish guy on the internet..."" I've got nothin, but I feel like there could be something there. Any help is appreciated."

"So thankful I wasn't molested as a child, but think it's weird no one tried. Was it my fault??"