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Joke of the Day

"I'm glad I found out it's illegal to destroy US currency. I was about to feed $50 bills through a shredder."

"I'm going on a seafood diet for the holidays... that is, I see food and I eat it."

"What's the difference between a four year old and a baggie of cocaine? Eric Clapton wouldn't let a baggie of cocaine fall out the window."

"Brain: Compliment her eyes Me: Yeah? Brain: Trust me ""YOUR EYES ARE BLUE LIKE BLUEBERRIES & THEY'RE PROBABLY SQUISHY TOO."" Brain: Perfect!"

"*Mary Poppins voice* Ok, children! Time to go! [15 min later] *Batman voice* I said let's go."

"No strings attached relationships are all fun and games until you fall for a guitar. Or a marionette. Or a yo-yo."

"My ex-girlfriend had a really weird fetish she used to like to dress up as herself and then act like a fucking bitch all the time"

"I love women so much that.. If I were a woman I'd be lesbian."

"what kind of pants does the godfather wear? al pa-chinos"

"I got this hot blondes phone number today! Im starting to think i should cause car accidents more often."