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Joke of the Day

"I'm going on a seafood diet for the holidays... that is, I see food and I eat it."

"I walked into the bar sober with $42 & walked out drunk with $42. But you're right fellas, men are smarter than women."

"SON: can I yell bomb at the airport DAD: no SON: I can yell boom DAD: boom's ok SON: how about ""my mom's a lesbian now"" DAD: please don't"

"'When I go to the bathroom at work and someone follows me in' Doctor: I meant is there anything worrying you, physically"

"JOKE: What's an easy way on /r/jokes to find feminism jokes? Just look for ones that have a ""JOKE:"" disclaimer"

"Roller coasters are like your first time having sex. for the amount of time it takes to get there, you wish it lasted longer."

"I'm jealous of all the people that haven't met you!"

"Poor handicapped guy on the train forgot to put the breaks on his wheel chair. It was like watching the Pinball Wizard."

"Policeman: Did you realize you just missed that bus with your car? Motorist: Did you want me to hit it?"

"""Why buy expensive fireworks when you can make your own with ordinary household chemicals?"" I said, and the other patients in the ER agreed."