222027

Joke of the Day

"I got this hot blondes phone number today! Im starting to think i should cause car accidents more often."

"Did you hear about the comedian who was arrested for domestic violence? He was a real niece slapper."

"I love weighing myself after having a dump. It makes a shit load of difference."

"If your boss says ""Correct me if I'm wrong but aren't you supposed to be in at 8am?"" don't correct them. Its a trap. They hate being wrong."

"Why didn't Stalin look both ways before he crossed the road? He was rushin'"

"What do you call a snail on a ship? A snailor. hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha"

"Ladies: If a man approaches you and he's wearing Crocs, hold perfectly still. Their vision is based off movement."

"My new year's resolution is to be more grammary and stop making up words."

"My walk of shame is putting back the 9 boxes of assorted cereals that my wife found in the grocery cart."

"RETIRED STUNTMAN: We didn't have fancy CGI. If the script said to drive a truck into a dinosaur, we drove a truck into a goddamn dinosaur."