160498
Joke of the Day
"I was craving some Indian food yesterday... ...So I went and got subway."
Next Joke
"Therapist: Are you a man or a mouse? Mickey: Quite frankly, I was hoping you could tell me."
"What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins ""Once upon a time ..."" A southern fairytale begins ""Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit ..."""
"This summer, a rom-com dares to ask the question, ""Can a 9 date an 8?"""
"My best friend was talking to me about proposing to his girlfriend. I'm not sure though, she's not really my type."
"I always wear running shoes while driving because you won't know what the terrain will be like until after the cop pulls you over."
"[interview at winery] What strengths do you bring to the job? *long pause while Jesus glares at interviewer* Are you being serious right now"
"[interview] ""Where you see yourself in 5 years?"" Doing your job. ""And me?"" Jobless and upset about the divorce ""OMG"" *runs out crying*"
"Gave my seat to a blind man on the bus Lost my job as a bus driver."
"Hand me the Phillips screwdriver, babe. No, the Phillips. NO. Ok look, hand me the thing you stabbed me with on New Year's. Thanks pumpkin!"