210167

Joke of the Day

"Hand me the Phillips screwdriver, babe. No, the Phillips. NO. Ok look, hand me the thing you stabbed me with on New Year's. Thanks pumpkin!"

"Why did your sister refuse the gift of a Japanese car ? Because she'd never be able to learn the language"

"My girlfriend uses an amazing skin moisturizer It's like taking a handy from a baby!"

"Two guys meet at a bar. ""My wife ran off with my best friend Peter..."" ""Oh no, when did this happen?"" ""Yesterday."" ""And since when is Peter your best friend?"" ""Yesterday!"""

"What do you call a prosthetic arm for a dog? Faux paw."

"That show the amazing race..... Is that about white people? Zach Galifianakis"

"What happened to the Denver Broncos in the Super Bowl? They had a MetLife crisis. (that's the name of the stadium)"

"*loses 100 pounds in the US* yes *loses 100 pounds in England* no"

"Do you want to hear the funniest joke of 2015? I think its stupid but a lot of people say its funny. #blacklivesmatter"

"What do you call a fish out of water? Asians? Idk it's been a rough day."