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Joke of the Day

"Is there something about me that suggests I want to hear about your smoothie cleanse, because I can change."

"Me: Wanna hear a joke? Dog: sure Me: Knock knock *dog goes crazy barking at the door*"

"Did you hear the one about the baseball player murdered mid-game? He went down swinging!"

"I don't know what fool first decided to put carrots in the cake, but they sure lucked out."

"Mom: What are you hiding in there? -nuthin [Vin Diesel noises from closet] M: Is Vin Diesel in there? -...yes Vin Diesel: [from closet] No."

"Make sure to change out the condom in your wallet once in a while...so your wallet doesn't think you're a loser."

"Q: What's the most popular afro-american stereotype? A: boombox"

"Knock Knock - Who's there? Joana. Joana who? I Joana close my eyes, I Joana fall asleep 'cause i miss you babe and i don't wanna miss a thing."

"There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't. Not mine, I just read it on a mug at work."

"History is his-story, rambled the tumblrina... where are the records of the deeds of women? that is a miss-story"