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Joke of the Day

"I like my sex like I like my tree forts No girls allowed"

"Why can't you find pirates in Kansas? They all live in Arkansas"

"Walk up to random strangers on the street and say, ""I love your podcast!"" You'll make 3 out of 5 of them very happy."

"Is 6 celebrity impersonations too small a number for me to do on this first date? I feel like its a little low..."

"Why was the origami class cancelled? The school folded."

"I got breast removal surgery... Sorry I had to get that of my chest"

"What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler? Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window."

"So I recently opened a suicide bomb shop in Syria, and it's doing great! Prophets are going through the roof."

"'Expect the unexpected' Now that would make the unexpected the expected, but since the expected is being expected, then that would mean it wasn't the unexpected, so what the fuck do we expect?"

"What can a cup of coffee and a cow that's had an abortion have in common? They're both de-calf-inated."