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Joke of the Day

"I get the feeling some of you have been told by others of you not to talk to me. This means war."

"Meant to type ""Lmaoooo"" but left off the ""L"" and now she thinks I'm singing the praises of The People's Republic."

"How long do you have to wait between naps?"

"I find my own face to be scary... But I guess that's just me"

"I don't need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hands. :/"

"Well if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire ... .....what do freedom fighters fight?"

"[stranded on deserted island] *spells out message in rocks* WHAT'S THE WIFI PASSWORD"

"I disapprove of every conspiracy of which I am not a part."

"[interviewer looks up from resume] in the skills, you wrote ""completing sentences? Yes."" wow. you ""'re hired?"" amaz- ""on prime?"" get out."

"What is the difference between a dirty bus stop, and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean."