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Joke of the Day

"[Brings a snowball to a work meeting and tosses it at boss] I'm not trying to disprove the theory of global warming I just don't like you."

"Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He needed a pencil to work it out."

"Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by again?"

"The other day I saw a short man carrying an LED tv and I asked "" hey do you help carrying that tv?"" And he replied all pissed off ""Fuck off dude, this is my tablet"""

"Want to know why I look terrible? Well, half of it is my mother's fault."

"One time in band camp... They threatened me with eternal torture. Oh wait that was Bible camp."

"Some people say waking up in the morning is really hard... Waking up in the morning is the second hardest thing for me!"

"In person it's lying, but in texting, you can just call it a typo."

"I wish I could put my whole fucking house in the washing machine."

"What's the difference between pedophile and acne? Acne waits till puberty to come all over the kids face"