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Joke of the Day

"I wish I could put my whole fucking house in the washing machine."

"If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you! Knees to chest damnit! KNEES TO CHEST"

"Your mama so fat.. Her curve set everyone's grade to A+"

"What should we call people who leave crusty bits of food in the corner of their mouths? #Herpeaters."

"what did the gay sperm say to his compatriot? ""HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FIND OUR WAY THROUGH THIS SHIT?"""

"Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He tried to work it out with a slide rule."

"Ever wonder why you always get a boner when you look in the mirror? That's because your dick thinks you're a cunt too!"

"I said Jesus take the wheel. He said I no have license, amigo."

"What do you call a sad cancer patient? Chemo-sobby (kemosabe)"

"What has four legs and can fly? Two Birds!"