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Joke of the Day

"Some people say waking up in the morning is really hard... Waking up in the morning is the second hardest thing for me!"

"oh so you rich guys throw the water out after you boil hotdogs. too good for hotdog soup. too good to dab the soup on your wrists like colog"

"My wife and I play trivia pursuit a lot, it's where she ignores me until I correctly guess what I did wrong."

"Home buying tips: -Up & coming area = Murders -Good for young professional = Cheap bc of murders -Open layout = See murders from the kitchen"

"I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long."

"The rest of the world uses Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. I just learned some girl I hated in high school likes her new pedicure."

"What has wheels and is green? Grass, I lied about the wheels."

"How do tectonic plates have fun? They meet up and crack each other up."

"Murphy said to his daughter ""I want you home by eleven o'clock."" She said ""But Father I'm no longer a child!"" He said ""I know that's why I want you home by eleven."""

"who is better boy or girl Girl: ""Girls are better than boys."" Boy: ""Then why did God make boys first?"" Girl: ""Duh, you have to have a rough draft before the final copy."""