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Joke of the Day

"I'd quit drinking if the lime wedge on my vodka soda wasn't the only thing keeping me from getting scurvy."

"My buddy joined Christian Mingle... it's going pretty well, He got nailed three times in one night."

"You're so dumb.. That if you fell into a pool full of titties, you would come out sucking your thumb."

"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? None. The light bulb will change itself when it's ready."

"We've run out of coffee so my girlfriend pressured me into knocking next door. So I knocked and awkwardly asked them to go to the shops."

"If your mother in law and your father in law were both engulfed in flames, and you only had one fire extinguisher, where would you hide it?"

"What do you call a cow that will go down in history? Legendairy [From my young daughter]"

"How can you find out the gender of an ant? Throw it in the water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it floats, it's buoyant"

"""We are the 1%!"" - People on MySpace"

"just saw someone I love eat pizza with a fork & knife and this just really goes to show that people are monsters and you can't trust anyone"