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Joke of the Day

"I'd quit drinking if the lime wedge on my vodka soda wasn't the only thing keeping me from getting scurvy."

"It's been about 3 years since my last drink and I'm still hungover."

"I'm sick of my mate Adam. He walks round like he's gods gift to women."

"""Look at that speed!"" said one hawk to another as the jet fighter plane hurtled over their heads. ""Hmph!"" snorted the other. ""You would fly fast too if your tail was on fire!"""

"Me: I want a hot body. Me: Does absolutely nothing to achieve this."

"I saw an attractive woman spank her kid in McDonalds after he threw his fries on the ground, so I also threw mine on the ground."

"How many dead babies do you need to paint a wall? Depends on how hard you throw them"

"I can turn a case of beer into a drunk man. Your move, Jesus."

"I just saw a list of candidates for the local Juvenile Judge election and I just don't think juveniles should even be able to be judges idk"

"8 hrs sleep: So refreshed 6 hrs: Feeling fine 4 hrs: I will rip your head off for a minor transgression 2 hrs: Why is my boss a Minotaur"