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Joke of the Day

"just saw someone I love eat pizza with a fork & knife and this just really goes to show that people are monsters and you can't trust anyone"

"What do you call a fish with no mouth? A floppy dildo"

"What is happiess... Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city"

"Did you hear about the suspect who's alibi was that he was at a restaurant? Well the restaurant Carraba-rated his story."

"How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard."

"The biggest flaw with the new Apple iCar Is installing windows."

"You know what the last thing I said last year was? One!"

"What happened to Han when Chewie wouldn't do the marathon? He Ran Solo..."

"Me: [in bathroom] 7yo: [knocks] MOMMY? Me: Yeah pal 7: IT'S ME Me: I know 7: YOUR SON Me: Knew that too"

"You're the best ninja I've ever seen! And the worst ninja in general."