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Joke of the Day

"I don't need a flashlight to find my way around in the dark. I have shins for that."

"I tried to be a gentleman to this pretty lady, so I held the door open for her... But she just screamed at me as she got sucked out of the plane! Women are so ungrateful for nice guys nowadays."

"If you don't want to play with me I'll just play with myself! - Overheard in 2nd grade today... Me too kid, me too."

"Why did the brownie get kicked off the baseball team? Because she was a girl."

"What time does Sean Connery show up at Wimbledon every year? About tennish."

"What did the lesbian mushroom say to the other lesbian mushroom during oral sex? Umami."

"Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch? A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks."

"I think a ladies pubic hair should be called... A muffstache."

"My wife asked me to take her to the zoo the other day. I said ""If you want people to see you they can come here and do it!"""

"Apparently, when your boss asks you to get a cake for a coworker's 60th birthday, 'cake' is not code for 'stripper.' Live & learn, guys."