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Joke of the Day

"Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch? A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks."

"Why doesn't India celebrate halloween? No Gandhi"

"Can't wait to get off work, then I can finally stop staring at this damn computer, and go stare at a different computer."

"What do you get if you cross Michael J Fox with a dildo? A vibrator."

"Told my dealer I wanted a shitload of Coke but autocorrect changed it to shipload now I owe a Columbian cartel 18 million dollars"

"Q: Where do pigs park their cars? A: In porking lots."

"One of the most effective forms of birth control is assembling furniture together as a couple."

"I can see clearly now the rain has gone; I can *backs into mailbox* see all obstacles in my way *runs over squirrel* omg I love this song"

"Some fantastically good advice about proper care of your butthole. That's right. Your butthole. [PIC]"

"Why should you never high-five a Roman? They might give you Hi-V back!"