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Joke of the Day

"If you don't want to play with me I'll just play with myself! - Overheard in 2nd grade today... Me too kid, me too."

"Welcome to my garden of actors And on your left, we have the Benedict Cucumber Patch"

"Why didn't the sailors play cards on the deck? Because the captain was sitting on the top of the deck."

"Take it easy, guy who posts 10,000 pics of his baby on Facebook. We get it already. You got laid once."

"What's the only part of a vegetable you can't eat? The wheelchair..."

"At what age did the world's greatest sushi chef begin his training? Tuna half."

"I hope I don't catch another weirdo pooping against the side of a 7-11 tomorrow because I'm not ready to love again."

"I think semi-colons have gotten a bad rap. They should be re-branded as super-commas."

"""I think we should stab other people."" - Masochists breaking up"

"What's worse than a girl falling asleep during sex? A girl waking up during sex."