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Joke of the Day

"What two places can you find a California roll? Sushi bars and stop signs. Source: am southern Oregonian; lots of bad Cali drivers here"

"I heard abortions are quite exhausting.. I was confused too, but apparently it really takes it out of you."

"@funTweeters I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers"

"Guys are a little like bears, if you lay very still they'll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food."

"Did you see the newspaper report about the midget psychiatrist wanted by the police.... The headline said ""Small medium at large""... I'll see myself out!"

"How did the vegetable farmer fix his flat tire on his truck? with asparagus..."

"They say sex after marriage is not the same. My sex life is like the Olympics! Happens once every four years, costs me lots of money, & there's usually a big fight afterward."

"Sex is a lot like eating It starts with the mouth and ends in the arse"

"How many pornstars does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, and a really big lightbulb."

"What's the aim of a Jewish football match? Getting the quarterback."