159190

Joke of the Day

"A Jewish kid asks his dad for money He asks his dad for 10 dollars. His dad replies, ""8 dollars? What do you need 5 dollars for?"""

"Did you fall from heaven? Because your face is fucked up."

"Me: Just so you know, I'm DTF right now. Wife: I don't know what ""DTF"" means. Me: Take a guess. Wife: (pause) Definitely Too Fat?"

"Lets just take a minute to appreciate Pringles for never lying to us about the amount of chips we're getting when we open the can"

"Why is it so hard to give up fizzy drinks? That shits like liquid Coke!"

"I was reading a book about adhesive the other day. I just couldn't put it down."

"What did the tomato say to the mushroom? ""You're a fun guy"""

"A mobster walks into a bar, but then he turns around and walks out. Because he realized it was a set-up."

"What idiot coined the term ex-fiance Instead of near-Mrs Edit: ex fiancee. I'm not as smart as I thought I was.."

"Roy Hodgson has told the England squad that they'll have to tighten their belts next week. He also added that they should not remove them until the ""fasten seat belt"" sign goes out."