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Joke of the Day

"Did you fall from heaven? Because your face is fucked up."

"Witness: I saw the defendant stabbing the victim. Lawyer: Objection! Witness is ugly! Judge: Sustained. Jury will disregard the statement."

"Jokes about the handicapped aren't funny. They're lame."

"A girl tells her parents she's going to major in psychology ""Hey mom! Hey dad! I'm gonna study a real science! PSYCH!"""

"""Shh...it took an hour, but I think he's finally asleep."" *fireworks go off outside* *opens window* I WILL KILL YOU AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE"

"All I want is for someone to push me up against a wall Lean in And whisper 'I'll do your housework'"

"How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side!!"

"If I'm ever captured as a spy, all they'd have to do to get me to talk is put my house slipper on the wrong foot."

"Why won't women ever play in the NHL? Because the periods would take too long."

"People wonder why I call my toilet ""the Jim"" instead of ""the John"" I do it so I can say ""I go to the Jim first thing every morning"""