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Joke of the Day

"Me: Just so you know, I'm DTF right now. Wife: I don't know what ""DTF"" means. Me: Take a guess. Wife: (pause) Definitely Too Fat?"

"What do you call a midget psychic that broke out of jail? A small medium at large"

"Written on the Bathroom Wall... *Here I sit Broken-hearted Tried to rhyme Couldn't even get the meter right.*"

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the P is silent!"

"I wish I could feed people I don't like to my cat."

"How do you make a dog go meow? Freeze it and run it through a bandsaw. MEEEOWW!!"

"Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear? Because he liked sole music!"

"Facebook is the biggest whistle-blower of them all, telling people I saw their messages."

"What's the best thing about fucking a pregnant woman? Getting a blowjob at the same time."

"What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer? The freezer doesn't fart when you take out the sausage."