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Joke of the Day

"Lets just take a minute to appreciate Pringles for never lying to us about the amount of chips we're getting when we open the can"

"When girls ask if I'm good in bed, I tell them ""Of course, how hard is it to close your eyes and literally do nothing for 8 hours""."

"all ramen noodles come from one impossibly long noodle of disputed origins. no one knows how much is left or what will happen when it's gone"

"GROCER: slide your card ME: it didn't work GROCER: does it have a chip? ME: *puts hand over pringle in my pocket I was saving for later* no"

"Pink Fluff... What's pink and fluffy? Pink Fluff What's Blue and Fluffy? Pink Fluff holding it's breath. (My niece told me this)"

"MOSES: Cool thinkpiece GOD: It's a list of commandments. Not everything is a thinkpiece! Jesus Christ MOSES: Who? GOD: Oops, sorry. Spoilers"

"The Sales Man A man carrying 6 babies in a train. A lady sitting next 2 him asked,""are these ur babies? ""No I'm a condom salesman & these are Customer Complaints.."

"ELI5 How easy is it to get into watching NETFLIX... ...when I haven't even seen NETFL**I** - NETFL**VIII**"

"What happens when you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A flat miner."

"Carpenter ants are bullshit, I left a whole box of ikea furniture here, all they did was carry off my watermelon and steal a picnic basket"