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Joke of the Day

"Roy Hodgson has told the England squad that they'll have to tighten their belts next week. He also added that they should not remove them until the ""fasten seat belt"" sign goes out."

"What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a four-year old child? Eric Clapton never would have let his bag of coke fall out of a 49th-story window!"

"I didn't realise how lonely I was... I didn't realise how lonely I was, until I decided my favourite sexual position was right-handed."

"Egyptian fisherman what did the egyptian fisherman say to the other egyptian fisherman after his wife had died? I'm in de-nile"

"I don't like to talk about masturbation. It's a touchy subject for me."

"Did you hear about the tragic crash of the small plane into the cemetery? So far they've recovered 324 bodies."

"It took 11 years but hubby can finally read me like a book. A Greek book. Read upside down wearing a blindfold. It's a vast improvement."

"What did the bra say to the hat? ""I've got these two covered, you go on a head."""

"A line for cops who pull over attractive drunk models If I could put you in the alphabet, I would go D U I and that's why I'm a writer, I look forward to your hatred of bad jokes"