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Joke of the Day

"-Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes. -He has sex with fish? -He's dead. -I'm not surprised. Having sex with fish doesn't sound very safe."

"The thing I love most about this fall weather is the UGG boots and yoga pants.. ... Though, they do make me look a bit gay."

"If Twitter has taught me anything in 6 years, it's ""that"" is the most unnecessary word in the English language."

"A blind man walks into a bar and a table, and some chairs, and stumbles out."

"What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!"

"Use chemicals to remove polish and no one bats an eye Use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're literally Hitler"

"I like my women like I like my whiskey At least 18 years old and mixed up with coke"

"Did you hear about the genetic study on diarrhea? They say it runs in your genes."

"Where did L Ron Hubbard store his dishes? In the L Ron cupboard."

"""I just left my job. I couldn't work for that man after what he said to me."" Friend: ""What did he say."" Me: ""You're fired."""