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Joke of the Day

"Accidentally burned a calorie. Have to replace it now."

"Did you know that if you laid the entirety of my intestines out in a straight line you'd likely be incarcerated for many years?"

"When I call her ""Hun,"" it's not short for honey. It's short for Attila."

"I have qualities of both Albert Einstein and Arnold Schwarzenegger Body of Einstein, brain of Schwarzenegger"

"Two snowmen in a field, one turned to the other and said ""I don't know about you but I can smell carrots!"""

"Investigators weren't sure how the victim was killed, but they did find traces of kindness at the scene."

"She might be Satan, but if I'm going to hell, I want to be sleeping with the boss."

"What happened to the over amorous clam? It pulled a mussel."

"I need Jesus in my life This lawn aint gonna cut itself"

"How do you start a stampede in Ethiopia? Carve a turkey"