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Joke of the Day

"I need Jesus in my life This lawn aint gonna cut itself"

"What's the difference between unlawful and illegal? One is against the law and the other is a sick bird."

"Q: Why do blondes stand under light bulbs? A: It's the closest they'll come to a bright idea."

"What do you call a prosthetic used in exchage for your missing leg. A stubstitute"

"I would tell you a pedophile joke, but it has some minor issues."

"When cooking a turkey, Don't worry about seasoning it. It's a waste of thyme."

"David Cameron's legacy David Cameron will go down in history as the man who fucked up his campaign, fucked up his job, and fucked up a dead pig."

"My mom once told me.... ....the only way I'll ever get laid is if I crawl up a chicken's ass and wait."

"Intelligence is like an underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off."

"How do you keep a group of women from talking? Ask the oldest one to speak first."