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Joke of the Day

"""You spent hours slaving away in the kitchen yesterday. Relax. Let me sort out dinner today."" *Orders pizza"

"What do you get when if you cross an insomniac, a dyslexic and an agnostic? A person who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog."

"In INTERSTELLAR, why does Tom's voice get higher when he's older? Answer: thedust"

"There's so much porn floating around the internet these days... I just shake my fist."

"""I don't belong here"" - dreadlock on a white guy"

"How does the Catholic Church make their holy water? They boil the hell out of it."

"""Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."""

"I only make good posts when I'm drunk... Today I celebrate 5 years sober"

"What's a caterpillar afraid of? A dogerpillar (Thank you Laffy Taffy for the ~~worst~~ best joke I've ever heard)"

"I never feel guilty about eating baby carrots because it's not like adult carrots are doing anything great with their lives."