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Joke of the Day

"What's a caterpillar afraid of? A dogerpillar (Thank you Laffy Taffy for the ~~worst~~ best joke I've ever heard)"

"Did you hear about the deaf gynecologist? He reads lips :)"

"What should you always ask after someone says ""I'd fuck her, but only with a bag on her head""? Paper or plastic?"

"Question: What goes up and never comes down? Answer: Up"

"I hate it when I'm at someone's house and they keep asking stupid questions like... ""Who are you?"" and ""Is that a gun?"""

"No one on Twitter ever quotes me properly. I'm so mis-tweeted."

"ME: [practising my samurai sword moves in the mirror] [ever so slightly later] ME: [dying from massive blood loss]"

"Some chump in an orange apron in B&Q just asked me if I wanted decking... Fortunately I got the first punch in."

"Superman wears Chuck Norris underpants."

"What do you call a smart person in America? A tourist."