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Joke of the Day

"Police always seem disappointed when they realise those bits of foil on the floor of my car are just old chocolate wrappers not drugs."

"Instagram's down? What am I supposed to do with my cat? Stroke it?"

"Everyone should know at least how to fish... So everyone needs learn to be a master baiter."

"Two aerials meet on a roof fall in love get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant."

"The coolest suicide would be to moisturize and not stop moisturizing until you become a tiny pond that fish and turtles live in"

"What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The Wheelchair"

"Hi everyone, welcome to Motorboat Club. Let's get started on some sailing basics. *Man in back row throws brochure on ground and storms out*"

"What does a worm do in a cornfield? It goes in one ear and out the other"

"What's the best thing a midget can catch? Air."

"Q: What's the difference between a mosquito and a fly? A: A mosquito can fly, but a fly can't mosquito."