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Joke of the Day

"Instagram's down? What am I supposed to do with my cat? Stroke it?"

"Why did the TV execs decide not to create a new reality show about philosophers? Because it would only be for a Neitzsche audience"

"Your momma is so fat that her measurements are 26-34-28 and her other arm is just as big!"

"What do you call a gas station that sells crabs? A crustacean."

"Q: Why were the suspenders arrested? A: For holding up a pair of pants."

"My friend told me he broke my lamp He said I hope you're not mad. No, im delighted"

"What do you call a patella that sleeps around too much? Whore knee"

"What does my jokes and cancer have in common? Only my dad gets it."

"What did president Obamas father say when he was born? Oh, He's Barack. pronounced with a bad asian-english accent."

"That gunk in your eyes when you wake up is dried ghost ejaculate."