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Joke of the Day

"Magician: ""Think of a card."" Me: ""Okay."" Magician: ""You are thinking of the.. 3 OF SPADES!"" Me: ""I was thinking about a get well soon card."""

"It's amazing how many pedestrians confuse ""Right of Way"" with ""Immortality."""

"The German radiologist always saw the wurst in people."

"Rave culture: A professor rushes two of his students to the maternity ward and says to the doctor... ""Brah! My pupils are super dilated right now!"""

"Everyone has an annoying friend. If you don't have one, it's probably you."

"Bring a toddler to your next robbery. Their smudgy fingerprints everywhere will make the forensics team cry."

"[Calculus Joke] Why didn't the derivative of sec(x) go to the beach? Because secant tan"

"My kid asked me where babies came from and I was like ""Dude, ask your Mom. I still can't figure out why Garfield talks and Odie doesn't."""

"Let's hope no one builds a convenience store inside a volcano because that doesn't seem like it would be convenient at all."

"What's a boomerang called that's not coming back? A Stick."