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Joke of the Day

"Favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell's Kitchen 3. Breaking bad"

"What do you call a nuclear-powered car? A mobile-Chernobyl!"

"There's a man walking a tight rope. 100ft below him there's a man getting a blowjob from an 80 year old woman. What are they both thinking? Don't look down."

"Dad I'm gay *Dad rips newspaper* ""WHAT"" I like guys dad ""Oh thank god. I thought you were happy for a second"""

"""Hi, I'd like a Junior McChicken and a cheeseburger please."" ""$3.23."" ""Oh, and a bottle of water."" ""$87.54. Please drive thru."""

"Couldn't afford a butterfly knife, so I got a caterpillar one. Now, I wait."

"How do you know a presidential candidate is lying? Their lips are moving."

"I change Siri to a man's voice and now it doesn't answer any more questions and turns off for hours"

"Why Can't Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle? Because drawing a perfect circle is impossible. Also, he has Parkinson's disease."

"They say that kissing makes your day ... And anal sex makes your hole weak!"