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Joke of the Day

"Have you ever heard the joke about the three wells? ""No"" ""Well, well, well...."""

"What's the difference... ...between a piano, a fish, and glue? You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish ""What about the glue?"" I knew you'd get stuck on that."

"What comes after L? Bow"

"My wife is like a plunger She's good at bringing up old shit."

"[heaven's IT department] Ok, I see why your computer's crashing. Have you been closing doors again? God: Yes, why? Too many open windows"

"People stuck in an elevator called for help. They were let down."

"How many scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Significantly more than zero, *p* < .001."

"What weighs 12lbs and won't be getting plucked this Christmas Scott Weilands guitar"

"What do you call an indentured servant hired specifically to cut meat for you? A *Filet Minion*."

"I left my phone by my side while I was sleeping with an app to ""ding"" every time it recognizes a person that looks like me It ""dinged"" all night."