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Joke of the Day

"So someone asks a junkie.. Do you still use heroin? Well.. On the one hand yes, on the other hand no."

"Doctor doctor I'm at death's door! Don't worry Mrs Jenkins. An operation will soon pull you through."

"how do lawyers argue without crying"

"He died doing what he loved, waving a metal rod on a rooftop in a storm, yelling FU, GOD! Although he slipped & fell, Ted's memory lives on."

"What do you call a semi truck owned by an Italian? That rig a Tonys."

"Policeman: How can you say you don't have any outstanding tickets? Driver: They're all in the glove compartment."

"Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others."

"Drugs are really bad for your mind. All these years I thought I worked in an office, but it turns out I'm actually a centaur."

"My gay joke probably won't be loved, butt fuck it."

"Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A Flat Miner."