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Joke of the Day

"Policeman: How can you say you don't have any outstanding tickets? Driver: They're all in the glove compartment."

"The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar... It was in tense."

"If billionaires were allowed to influence the results on American Idol instead of American elections, there would be rioting in the streets."

"Angela Merkel got sad when she heard that she didn't win the Nobel Peace Prize after taking in so many Syrian refugees So I offered her a tissue "

"If your Uncle Jack was stuck on the horse... Would you help your uncle jack off the horse?"

"What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe? A canoe tips"

"What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey"

"What do Zack Snyder and The Jonestown Massacre have in common? Sucker Punch."

"How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist? Ask him/her to pronounce unionized Edit: Gets 3000+ upvotes, Karma remains at 20..."

"When life gives you melons... don't burn the pot roast."