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Joke of the Day

"Millennials are so spoilt with their smartphones & tablets. All we had at their age was the ability to buy property in Central London."

"Live a little, ask her ""are ya done?"" while she's still yelling at you."

"My son's favorite toy is the free blood pressure machine at Walgreens."

"What do you call an epileptic cow? Beef jerky."

"A Roman walks into a Bar. He holds up 2 Fingers and says ""Five Beers Please."""

"I have no sympathy for amateurs who make sex tapes or take nude pics of themselves and cry ""invasion of privacy"" when they fail to safeguard them and they leak to the media and public."

"If you take the D out of Devil what do you get? the D"

"Glad everyone is done talking about the fight. Now how about that May weather?"

"I think my girlfriend would be a great presidential candidate, Because she's so awesome at bringing up shit from the past."

"I would never let my kids go see an orchestra... Too much sax and violins."