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Joke of the Day

"I stepped on two raccoons today, but I'm just gonna play it cool and wear them as slippers for the rest of my life."

"In a progressively incestuous household... ...it's about upping the auntie"

"I tried coke once. And then for like another 3 years to make sure I didn't like it"

"Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom? A: So she can have a doggie bag for later."

"I went out to the shop earlier to buy a book called ""101 ways to improve your confidence"". I couldn't buy it though, the cashier would have laughed at me......"

"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back with two police officers, you'll know that setting them free was a bad idea."

"Two muffins are baking in the oven, one muffin turns to the other muffin and says ""man its getting hot in here"" and the other muffin turns back to him and yells "" ahhh!!! a talking muffin!!"""

"When is paint free? When it's on the house."

"Congratulations on having your 2nd kid. But aren't you supposed to learn from your past mistakes?"

"Statistics show that 73% of people don't have enough fibre in their diets. Ah well, tough shit"