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Joke of the Day

"Reddit is like a box of chocolates It's the same shit over and over"

"Ok I won't subliminally ask any more subtraction problems, but I only did it 6 or maybe 3 times. What's the difference?"

"Old lady says to his hubby... ""My nipples are as hot today as they was 50 years ago"" Hubby replies,""Oughtta be. One's in your coffee the other's in your porridge."""

"Unbelievable! Just checked the roster and I've got to work Christmas Eve from midnight. If it wasn't for all the free wine and altar boys I'd seriously jack-in this 'priest' malarkey."

"How do you know a vocalist is at your door? She can't find the key and doesn't know where to come in."

"What's the difference between an apple and a baby? I don't cum on an apple before i eat it."

"A person dies every 3 seconds. How can a person die that many times?"

"Ever hear about the Jesus Bomb? Red bull and merlot"

"I wear a French maid's outfit specifically to get OUT of doing housework."

"So I was on tindr today and someone offered me a $125/hr ""girlfriend experience"" So she expects me to pay her 125 an hour to argue with me in the middle of an Applebee's!?"