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Joke of the Day

"Every girl on Tumblr smells like Chapstick and cats."

"Instead of the standard 140, people should only be allowed as many characters as they have IQ points."

"""BEST WEEKEND EVER!"" ~ The same stupid bitch on Facebook, at least twice a month..."

"If you visit a city, make sure you buy a T-shirt with that cities name on it so people know you went to that city."

"My phone died... There won't be any service."

"I had a dog with no legs.. I named him cigarette so I could take him for a drag."

"I sext my foreign girlfriend a lot. I've come to find it's very difficult to say I'm stroking my cock in French; Although really I should just wait till class is over."

"Did you hear the one about the dyslexic philosopher with insomnia? He was up all night wondering if there really is a dog. I know it's a dad joke, because it was my dad's favorite joke."

"What did the bread do after it had been oppressed for many years? Rye-ot"

"JUDITH! FETCH MY EVIL PLAN GLASSES! *2 hours later has organised a small festival* Dammit Judith, these are my party planning glasses!"