203173

Joke of the Day

"Rectangle? It nearly KILLEDtangle. ...I could totally write for kids' shows."

"I'd make a joke about Jonestown... But the punch line is too long."

"If at first you don't succeed... ...then sky diving is not for you."

"What does a cow who's a jerk grow up to be? Beef Jerky."

"Whenever I'm feeling really tired, I just watch the new Star Wars trailer... Because The Force Awakens me"

"If I hear someone crying I immediately cry louder to establish myself as the dominant sad person in the room"

"I wish I had trained flies that would fly into the mouths of people who chew with their mouths open"

"I just left my job... Me: I couldn't work for that man after what he said to me. Friend: What did he say? Me: ""You're fired""."

"Don't worry if a fat guy comes to kidnap you... I told Santa all I want for Christmas is you."

"What do you call a sheep tied to a lamp post in New Zealand? A community centre"