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Joke of the Day

"What's the name of the new shawarma restaurant in Neverland? Pita Pan"

"The average person swallows eight spiders a year. And i've NEVER settled for average (pours burlap sack of spiders down throat)"

"SO AFTER I CAUGHT HER CHEATING ON ME I WANTED TO JUMP OUT OF A PLANE AND DIE. ANYWAY MY NAME'S TOM AND I'LL BE YOUR TANDEM PARACHUTE PARTNER"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get hit by a car because Trump won."

"I got a girlfriend."

"My credit card is like a stripper. There isn't much on it."

"So, I've recently started a whiskey diet... I've lost three days already."

"Did hipster polar bears like the North Pole... before it was cool?"

"Back in the day, I took $5 to the store and came out with.. 3 bags of chips, a pack of snickers, 2 bottles of coke, a newspaper and a bottle of whisky. And today? CCTVs everywhere!"

"How do comedians send messages? By tee-hee mail."