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Joke of the Day

"How do comedians send messages? By tee-hee mail."

"Her dad said he'd like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me."

"The real reason women will never be the ones to propose: As soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants."

"People who drive very slowly cause me cognitive dissonance. They deserve to die, but appear less likely to do so..."

"My Jewish friend invited me to go to his camp. Fuck that."

"Which Vice President was the best at making beats? Algorithm"

"I feel like I'm not giving my followers enough in my tweets. Would you be interested in stock tips or free shampoo samples?"

"2 Transformers got married Soon thereafter, they had a baby Transformer. But at that moment when they had a baby, they suddenly could not be seen anymore. They had become Transparents."

"A fat woman just served me at McDonalds... ... and said ""Sorry about the wait"". I replied and said ""Don't worry, you'll lose it eventually""."

"What's Donald Trumps favorite Pink Floyd album The wall"