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Joke of the Day

"SO AFTER I CAUGHT HER CHEATING ON ME I WANTED TO JUMP OUT OF A PLANE AND DIE. ANYWAY MY NAME'S TOM AND I'LL BE YOUR TANDEM PARACHUTE PARTNER"

"A priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar... He orders a beer."

"""who can I count on to volunteer for this project?"" *slumps out of chair and slowly army crawls out of conference room*"

"My friend just sent me this one. > To the person who stole my Microsoft Office, I will find you! > You have my Word!"

"What's the difference between a skilled magician and a women's choir? Well, the magician has a cunning array of stunts..."

"Just a taste... Lemme kiss that newborn so I know what the inside of your wife tastes like."

"*leans into microphone* My question is for Salt-N-Pepa. ""Hi"" ""Hey"" Hi.""Push It"" is about takin a dump, right? ""No"" ""Nope"" *hands friend $5*"

"Do you know how NASCAR got its name? It's from North Carolina. There were a bunch of dudes standing around a car, and one of them said, ""That's a nas' car."""

"How long is a china-man? Excuse the question mark, ""How Long"" is in fact a china man."

"Where does a pirate keep his buccaneers? Under his buckin' hat."