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Joke of the Day

"Wheelchair athletes have just been banned from the Paralympics They tested positive for WD40"

"Wife smelled eggs and thought I was bringing her breakfast in bed. How do I tell her it was just me with gas?!"

"How does a penman make his living? He charges a calligra-fee of course!"

"So I watched my first porno the other day... I'd have to say, damn I looked good."

"I'm not high! - high people I'm not drunk! - drunk people I'm not lying! - lying people I'm not gay! - my brother"

"I think I'm addicted to roofies... I can't remember though"

"A pirate walks into a bar. He's got a steering wheel on his belt buckle. The bartender asks ""What's with the steering wheel?"" The pirate says ""ARRGGHH! It's drivin' me nuts."""

"OMG!! Ellen Degeneras drowned last night! They found her face down in Rikki Lake!"

"Did you know having children is hereditary? If your parents don't have them, neither will you."

"Why would someone name a dog ""pistachio""? Because they're nuts"