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Joke of the Day

"*licks excess icing off mixer & spoon* Wife: Aww, thanks hun! Me: For what? W: Doing my dishes! M: Oh, I didn-- W: ... M: You're welcome."

"I asked my English GF if I could have sex with her sister today She said you can't I said no you're a cunt!"

"I don't think any political ideology is inherently wrong Some are just alternative right"

"Coroner's Report Coroner: Report complete. Police: What was the cause of death? Coroner: The cause of death was that I sliced him open and performed an autopsy."

"This tub of margarine doesn't believe it's me."

"Guys: What should you do if you drop your wallet in San Francisco? Kick that shit to Oakland!!"

"What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with one leg? Steak. What do you call a cow with two legs? Your mom."

"Cheesy Christmas Jokes? Does any one know any really cheesy but actually really funny christmas jokes? short ones as they are easier to send? struggling to think of any myself"

"What would be the most useless superpower? How about the ability to go invisible, but it only works while you're playing a trumpet."

"So I'm out in the woods taking a shit when... ...a bear strolls up, cocks his head with a funny expression, and says, ""I never knew you guys did that."""