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Joke of the Day

"So I'm out in the woods taking a shit when... ...a bear strolls up, cocks his head with a funny expression, and says, ""I never knew you guys did that."""

"If a mouse family ever stole my iPhone and used it as a flat screen TV then I'm okay with it as long as they're happy."

"A Jewish boy... A jewish boy ask's his father for 5 dollars. His father says ""What do you need 4 dollars for? 3's enough. Here's 2."" and gives him 1."

"My dog takes so long to take a dump I swear she's tweeting out there."

"When preparing blood sausage, never cook it in the same pan as crip sausage."

"What's the difference between a vegetarian and a virgin? A vegetarian doesn't like meat and a virgin doesn't know yet if she likes meat or not."

"I was promised today would be a new day. This feels suspiciously like a used Wednesday."

"What number is the oddest prime number? 2 Source: My discrete professor"

"Q: What's the definition of a nerd? A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet."

"What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer? I give a fuck when my computer crashes."